Celebration of Life vs Funeral

It's interesting; funerals and celebrations of life have much in common, yet they often appear very different. Each is a ceremony, a gathering of people who share a common loss. It's just that one is more rooted in tradition, while the other is the result of recent changes in social values. But both serve to do three things:
  1. Help the bereaved family and their community publicly acknowledge the death of one of their own
  2. Support the grieving family by surrounding them with caring friends, co-workers, and neighbors
  3. Move the deceased from one social status to another
Yet they achieve those things in very different ways. First, let's take a closer look at what is most commonly seen as traditional funerals.

What is a Funeral?

It's not surprising funerals have been around for a very long time. Composed of three activities, the visitation, the funeral service, and the committal service, performed at the graveside, this funeral is the one we'd easily recognize from contemporary literature and film.

The Visitation

Held before the funeral, often the night before, but sometimes on the same day, the visitation (or viewing) is when people come to support the family and, more importantly, pay their respects to the deceased. This often involves stepping up to the casket to view the body, either in the company of a surviving family member or on your own.

The Funeral Service

Commonly held in the funeral home or church, the traditional funeral service is led by an officiant of one kind or another, most commonly a pastor or the funeral director. This individual follows a very predictable funeral order of service, which includes the singing of hymns; and invocations, Bible recitations, Scripture readings, and prayers led by the officiant.

The Committal Service

This occurs at the cemetery after a slow and respectful automobile procession from where the funeral was held. The committal service ends when the casketed remains are lowered into the ground and final prayers are said.
Suppose you'd like to know more about the history of funerals in the United States. In that case, you may visit the National Museum of Funeral History. But for now, it's enough to know that a funeral service traditionally has these three distinct components. Now let's look at a celebration of life service.

What is
a Celebration of Life?

Author Barbara Kingsolver, in her book The Poisonwood Bible, wrote, “To live is to be marked. To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know.” We think this reflection is at the heart of a celebration of life. While a funeral, as we've described above, has more to do with the orderly and often spiritually-defined, a celebration of life is more concerned with telling the story of the deceased. Celebrations of life are just that: people come together more to celebrate the deceased's unique personality and achievements than to merely witness or mark the change in their social status.

Celebrations of life are similar to memorial services, which can be described as a hybrid event: combining the flexibility of a celebration of life with many of the activities of a traditional funeral order-of-service.

There's more room for creativity in a celebration of life than in a funeral. Since celebrations of life are commonly held after the individual's physical remains have been cared for through burial or cremation, much more time is available to plan the event. And without a doubt, this allows you to make better decisions about how you'd like to celebrate the life of someone you dearly love.

Why Hold a Celebration of Life?

Many families today want a service which celebrates the life of their loved one. We introduce them to the concept of a celebration of life, and provide support in designing a celebration of life that is as unique as the life of their loved one.

We always enjoy working together with families in planning a celebration of life for their loved one. While it can be a challenge to put together an event that both pays tribute to and celebrates the life and spirit of a complex individual, it's also one of the most rewarding things any one of us can do for someone we've loved and lost.
Sarah York opens her beautifully-crafted book, Remembering Well, with the very personal story about how her family chose to pay tribute to her mother. "My mother died in April 1983... She didn't want a funeral. 'Get together and have a party,' she had said when the topic was allowed to come up." However, she was quick to tell readers that the survivors did not honor the request. "We needed the ritual. We needed to say good-bye, but we also needed a ritual that would honor her spirit and would be faithful to her values and beliefs."

When Ms. York acknowledges the position of her family—that they needed not a party but a ritual—she teaches us all something important: the celebration of life events we plan with families should be shaped as much by their own emotional and spiritual needs as their desire to celebrate the life lived.
While social expectations do not include burden celebrations of life—they can be pretty much anything you want them to be—it's essential to realize that the event you're planning should meet the emotional needs of the guests. So, think about who will be there and what they will likely want or need. Then, bring in the deceased's unique lifestyle and personality characteristics; perhaps add live music or refreshments, and you've got the beginnings of a remarkable celebration of life.


Celebrations of life ideas

The Musician

Was your loved one a musician or a dedicated fan of a singer/ band? If so, you may want to consider showcasing that particular form of music for their celebration of life. You could consider hosting a small tribute concert in memory of the deceased, where the genre of music they loved can be played.

The Foodie

If your loved one enjoyed tasting or trying new recipes, you may want to consider organizing a dinner party that serves their favourite foods. The dinner party can be at someone’s home or at the deceased’s favourite restaurant. Family and friends can then feel connected to the deceased through the food that they loved, as well as being together to share stories and memories of their loved one. 

the sports lover

If your loved one was a devoted sports fan of a particular team or avidly played a sport themselves, consider focusing the celebration of life around that team or sport. An idea for this could be organizing a golf or baseball tournament in honour of your loved one, or even attending a game of their favourite team.

What is the

Protocol for a Celebration of Life? 


A life celebration starts with an invitation. It could be a special day or simply just any day. The guest list will depend on the family and the facilities that the family decides. 


The service can be at a funeral home like ours, a church, a temple, a restaurant, or any other venue with the appliances to perform a grand celebration of life. 


For us, it's all about the community and the details. After preparing the invitation, the hosts can request their guests' details to add to the celebration, like songs, food, photos, videos, or even funny or meaningful stories about the person they are honoring. 


We can help you prepare a meaningful speech or guide you with our best commemorative suggestions. If your loved one did not leave any wish list for the after-funeral service, you could decide the best way to honor their memory. It could be one of the ways we recommend, or you can come up with any other idea, and we can coach you if needed. 


Is there any Etiquette for this Service?


 It depends on what you want. The celebration can be right after the funeral service or weeks and months later. Most people prefer wearing light colors, but it is okay if you feel dark colors are more comfortable that day.


As for the size, remember that it could be as big as you want since there is usually no casket present, making it more affordable and easier to adjust to any budget. For some families, bringing the urn is a must, and for others, according to our experience, getting just incredible pictures and stories is more than enough to feel the presence of their loved ones. 


Regardless of your preference or style, we know for sure that celebrating the life of a loved one is helpful for the healing and grieving process. Don't hesitate to contact us to talk more about it. We are here to listen and assist you every step of this journey. 



Are You Undecided? Turn to Us.

 We've got years of experience listening, brainstorming, and advising families on how to pay tribute to a beloved family member best. That means we're the perfect people to help you decide between a funeral and a celebration of life. We'll explore your funeral service options with you in detail, taking all the time you need.

In the book Chocolat by Joanne Harris, you'll find this fundamental truth: “Life is what you celebrate. All of it. Even its end.” As funeral professionals, we help families express reverence for life. Let us do that for your family. Call our funeral home to speak with a member of our staff.


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Sources: 
  • Barbara Kingsolver, The Poisonwood Bible 
  • Joanne Harris, Chocolat
  • Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life & Mourning Death, Sara York
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